Episode 1.6: The Pack

I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! ¹

Episode Summary in Five Sentences or Less

The ever-present ⁴ popular gang of jerks at Sunnydale High gets possessed by a vicious killer hyena spirit, ⁵ and Xander is possessed as well because he's in the wrong place at the wrong time trying to protect a hapless moron from the gang's shenanigans.  The Gang of Jerks ⁸ (plus Xander) proceeds to devour first a perfectly good piglet mascot and subsequently (minus Xander) a somewhat satisfactory school principal.  Buffy eventually figures out what's going on, despite Giles's reluctance to believe, and subdues Xander after he insults the heck out of Poor Innocent Willow ⁹ and attempts felony sexual assault on the Buffster.  The whole thing is eventually revealed to have been a misfire of the evil ¹⁰ plan of the skeezy zookeeper dude, Xander rescues Willow from peril, the GoJ is restored to their normal level of jerkiness, and all is well again with the world. ¹¹

Three Overarching Thoughts

(1) See, "The Pack" is just like the popular crowd at any school, and so…

Yeah, I had this whole thing worked up to spot the parallels between losing your identity in the quest to join the popular crowd and losing your identity to an evil hyena spirit….but, I mean, come on.  It doesn't get much more obvious than this.  Thank goodness that most of these kinds of plotlines going forward are considerably more subtle.  I mean, it wasn't like a Northern Exposure Saturation Issue ¹² or anything, but it was kind of apparent exactly what was going on here as soon as we saw the title.

(2)  I think you may not be doing this "Watcher" thing right

For the seventy-third consecutive time, it's Buffy that figures out that something is really, truly wrong and it's not just than Xander is being extra-horny this week. ¹³  I know that it's good to encourage one's Slayer to develop her own instincts and deductive powers, but shouldn't a Watcher really be paying enough freaking attention to see when some bad-ass Mystical Shit ¹⁴ is going on in his own back yard.

(3)  How to Survive in Sunnydale, Part VII

If you are any kind of authority figure that is not directly involved in Watching or Slaying, whatever you do, don't be kind, thoughtful, or sensitive to Buffy Summers.  First the science teacher that believes in her gets beheaded by a She-Mantis, and now the Principal that is kind to her for the first time is devoured by the GoJ.  Seriously, the girl is trouble.  Whatever you do, don't throw her a line.

Episode Six Sunnydale Power Rankings

 1.  Buffy Summers (Last Week: 1; Trending: Slightly Up)

Buffy, Buffy, Buffy!  Once again, our girl not only solves the problem and saves the day, but is the one to suss out that the day needs saving in the first place.  Without her, who knows who or what Xander would've eaten next!  You go, girl!

 2.  Xander Harris (Last Week: Not Ranked; Trending: Way Up)

Though he spent most of the ep as a pseudo-hyena, Xander finally manned up, saving Willow from serious danger the moment he is de-hyena'd and coming up with the plausible lost-my-memory cover story for not having to confront his pals about his prior actions.

  3.  Evil Hyena Spirits (Last Week: Not Ranked; Trending: Way Up)

Sure, they didn't get to maintain possession of the GoJ, but hey, they got to cause the devouring of a mascot and principal, which is definitely going to go on the students' permanent records.  And they got a tasty zookeeper snack at the end of the episode, with no negative consequences at all!  For all we know, they're still chilling at the Sunnydale Zoo, just waiting for another act of aggression in front of them…

 4. Angel  (Last Week: Not Ranked; Trending: Slight Up)

Failing to appear in an episode is not normally a good way to move up the rankings, but reflected glory elevates The Mysterious Lurker up the list, as Buffy notes that he's, like, super-dreamy 'n' stuff.  He also manages to avoid being eaten or humiliated by the GoJ or a whacked-out zookeeper, so that's a plus.

  5. The Anointed One (Last Week: 3; Trending: Down)

Another non-entity this week, but I'll bet he's just behind the scene, planning, waiting, ready to strike!  After all, he's The Anointed One, right?  He must be bad-ass!

Dropping Off: 

The Master (plotting how best to deploy The Anointed One, no doubt!)

Rupert Giles (not coming back on the list until he listens to Buffy for once)

We, The Audience (I mean, hey, it's still a hell of a show, but this conceit only works once in a while)

Never Considered:

Principal Flutie (how did someone that bumbling survive this long in the Hellmouth anyway?)

Willow Rosenberg (siiiiiiiiiigh)

Willow Rosenberg Fashion Update

Okay, look, I know I've mentioned this a couple times, but you're obviously not hearing me.  Stop.  It.  With.  The.  Sweater-Shirts.  Just stop.  You are not 12.  For the love of god, the best look you've had all season has been the gym uniform for the big dodgeball scene.  I'm about to devise a method of time travel just so I can go back and stage an intervention.

  

And Now, A Word From Our Big Bad

What?  I'm on?  Oh for…..  Look, I'm busy, okay?  There's more to being The Master than just sending troops out to attack your precious Slayer every week.  I have responsibilities here.  Just….just….come back next week.

Totally Subjective Biaxial Entertainingness Scatterplot

 Borrowed ¹⁵ from 

jearl's devastatingly awesome Netflix Arranger ¹⁶ reviews.  The Scatterplot is devastating in both its simplicity and subjectivity.  All BtVS episodes are graded on a scale, since otherwise there would be a heavy cluster of points in the upper right.

      

Thus, this Episode (1.6) wasn't particularly "Good," as it featured pretty pitiful hyena effects, a please-make-it-stop theme, Giles still not listening, and the total absence of the season's Big Bad.  Yet it was nevertheless kind of awesome, with the whole eating-the-principal business, Xander's psych-out at the end, and the mascot-eyes-view scene of the piglet running through the school, not to mention some badass dodgeball.  The lone blip in the bottom left is, of course, the She-Mantis.  Hard to believe that anything will rate that far over in "Bad" territory again, although there is, amazingly, plenty of room left for more Lame episodes.

Top Ten Episode Quotes

10.        Buffy: "This is definitely the superior Xander.  Accept no substitutes."

9.         Xander: "Sorry I'm late, I just…forgot we were going to be here."
                     

8.         Principal Flutie: "What are you doing?"

            Kyle:  "Nothing."

            Principal Flutie:  "Did I ask you to speak?  Okay, I guess I did."

7.         Coach: "Alright.  It's raining.  All regular gym classes have been postponed.  You know what that means: dodgeball.  For those of you who may have forgotten, the rules are as follows:  You dodge."

6.         Buffy: "It's safe to say that in his animal state, his idea of wooing doesn't involve a Yanni CD ¹⁸ and a bottle of Chianti."

5.         Xander:  "You missed it!  We saw the zebras mating!"

            Willow:  "It was like the Heimlich….with stripes!"

            Buffy:  "I missed it.  And somehow I will find the courage to live on."

4.         Xander:  <sniffs Buffy>

            Buffy:  "Okay, now what?"

            Xander:  "You took a bath."

            Buffy:  "…yeah.  I often do,  I'm actually known for it."

            Xander:  "That's okay."

3.         Giles: "Testosterone is the great equalizer.  It turns all men into morons."

2.         Giles:  "I've been reading up on my animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards."

            Xander:  "Did you tell them that?"

            Giles:  "Your secret dies with me."

            Xander:  "Shoot me, stuff me, mount me." ¹⁹

1.         Giles:  "Xander has taken to teasing the less fortunate?"

            Buffy:  "Uh-huh."

            Giles:  "And there's a noticeable change in both clothing and demeanor?"

            Buffy:  "Yes!"

            Giles:  "And otherwise all of his spare time is spent lounging about with imbeciles?" ²⁰

            Buffy:  "It's bad, isn't it?"

            Giles:  "It's devastating.  He's turned into a 16-year-old boy.  Of course, you'll have to kill him."

Up Next:  Episode 1.7: Angel.  Posting Anticipated….oh, who am I kidding.

______________________________

1  By popular demand!  From the, um, scores ² of people who clamored for more!

2  Would you believe several people? Well, ok, how about one, ³ plus a couple of my alternate personalities?

3  No, really, someone said they wanted more!  Someone not even related to me!  I won't rat him/her out to protect him/her from the presumed retaliation from the rest of you.

4  Not that we've ever seen or heard of them before, of course.  Maybe they were out sick for the prior few weeks?  Or on double-secret probation?

5  Apparently, hyenas are considerably more dangerous than I ever expected.  Sure, they're the well-known jerks of the animal world, but here not only does the spirit create semi-super-strong ⁶ possessees but a small pack even devours a presumably healthy adult human without any trouble.  I mean, geez.

6  Stronger than average, certainly.  They do rip down the library cage ⁷ after all, and Xander manages to actually engage Buffy without getting immediately battered.

7  And really, how great is it to have a show that has an oft-used lockable library cage?

8  Or, for ease of reference and because none of them have individual identities in any meaningful way anyway, the "GoJ."

9  Golly am I sick of meek little wide-eyed innocent Willow.  Bring on Season 3.

10  It's actually unclear just how evil the plan is.  I mean, sure, he's more than willing to murder our heroes to get the ceremony to go for him at the end of the episode, but he was really just trying to get mad hyena powers for himself.  Of course, given that The Pack lost their own identities and wills to the new hyena selves, it definitely seems like a stupid plan, but I'm not necessarily sure it was evil per se.

11  It is not revealed what the consequences are of devouring a principal.  I suppose that they could have just said nothing and let the "attacked by a pack of dogs" story try to stand up.  Of course, I would bet money that we will never again see a member of the GoJ, so maybe we should just assume robust counseling and a nice good expulsion.

12  When a perfectly good show gets so obsessed with making ABSOLUTELY, POSITIVELY CERTAIN that every single viewer, those viewers friends and family, random passer-by, and schizophrenics that pick up the show's wavelength all get the point of the theme that the writers are trying to get across, to the point of making sure that more or less every plot arc, scene, and bit of dialogue tie back into such theme.

13  Not that he could be blamed for assuming the worst about Xander's hormones in light of prior events.

14  Best King Missile album ever.  Ever!

15  And by "borrowed" I of course mean "totally and unilaterally ripped off."  As is my way.

16  Seriously, check them out on her LJ page.  As though anyone who isn't already familiar with them could ever conceivably read this.  But let's maintain the fiction, because it's fun.¹⁷

17  It's fun for me, that's who!  Shut up!

18  A Yanni CD???  If Buffy thinks that wooing involves Yanni, that may finally explain why the incredibly hot new girl isn't getting any action or even attention at Sunnydale High.  I mean, I doubt that Yanni would even find a Yanni CD erotic.  Maybe – maybe – Mrs. Yanni would.

19  Williams Trivia Spring 1997 in the house, ya'll!  Represent!

20  This is beginning to sound an awful lot like Fayerweather 1995-96.