Episode Summary in Five Sentences or Less 3
Angel so totally saves Buffy from an attack by The Three 4 and then they share a moment in Buffy's room, 6 but as they mack on each other, something happens….and Angel vamps out! Buffy spends most of the episode freaking over her new love also being her immortal enemy, while Xander presses for a nice timely staking. Darla tries to take advantage of the situation by framing Angel for biting Buffy's mom and trying to arrange it so that he and the Buffster have a showdown where he will kill her and rejoin The Master. When that doesn't quite work out as planned, Darla decides to take care of The Slayer her own damn self, but ends up staked….by Angel! While the exact status of the relationship is not fully resolved by the end of the episode, 9 we can definitely see where this is going.
A Random Number of Overarching Thoughts 10
(1) Wait a second, we're following the rules now?
Buffy and Angel escape from The Three by running into Buffy's house, where Angel explains that The Three cannot follow because they haven't been invited in. It seems like this is the sort of thing that any halfway-competent Watcher might have explained by now if it actually works, eh? So what about the other folklore? Can they cross running water? Do mirrors reflect their soulless images? Shouldn't there be a helpful "So, You're The Slayer" pamphlet with these kinds of basics in it? Now a vampire has to tell her that her home is a safe haven?
(2) Again with the subtle underlying messages
If you sneak a cute guy up to your room for overnight shenanigans, he's liable to turn into a total animal / monster! Boooga! Boooga!
(3) We need more forward-thinking vampires
When Darla decides that she just has to take care of Buffy herself, she doesn't initiate the standard hand-to-hand combat or pull out a mace or some other medieval crap. Nope, it's the late 20th Century, and she rocks the handguns John Woo style. As one might expect, the guns are considerably more effective in keeping the humans on the run and preventing The Slayer from closing to staking range. If she had just paid more attention to the possibility of Angel turning on her completely, she might have won the encounter. 12
(4) This is getting complicated
This episode is the first one to really dive fully into the intricacies of the twisted interpersonal relationships between the main characters. Up 'til now, we've had horny Xander lusting after everyone (and particularly Buffy), and Willow sighing over Xander, and even Buffy liking the cute Owen, 13 but none of the complicated, tortured, soul-crushing fun that became a calling card of the show. As Darla points out, Angel loving Buffy is arguably sick and disturbed, as her very purpose is the eradication of his entire species.
Episode Seven Sunnydale Power Rankings
1. Buffy Summers (Last Week: 1; Trending: Steady)Though she falters just a bit when she succumbs to her impulses regarding her boy-toy only to find out that he is her mortal enemy, she recovers to beat the bad guys and save the relationship all at the same time. And she trusts her instincts enough to not fall for Darla's frame-up.
2. Angel (Last Week: 4; Trending: Way Up)He gets the girl, stakes the villain – his own sire! – and now we know that he's not just the bringer of scary tidings but also a badass in his own right, capable of holding his own in a fight. And he's a "total gentleman." Hands off, ladies, this one belongs to The Slayer!
3. The Anointed One (Last Week: 5; Trending: Up)Not only is he sure to have incredibly powerful mojo, being The Anointed One and all, but he cheers up a dejected Master with a jaunty little pep talk. 14 Sometimes the youngest ones are also the wisest! And so cute!
4. The Master (Last Week: Not Ranked; Trending: Up)Finally bothered to pay attention to The Slayer again, he deploys some of his key assets after her. Of course, they all get staked, but he picks himself up, brushes himself off, and gets ready to take on the world again. Nothing keeps him down for long!
5. Cordelia Chase (Last Week: Not Ranked; Trending: Steady)Still not much for our caustic princess to do, but at least she gets a few jabs in at her favorite punching bags and does nothing to embarrass herself, unlike much of the rest of the gang. Not much sign yet that Cordy is going to be anything other than occasional comic relief and evidence that high school has mean chicks in it.
Dropping Off:
Evil Hyena Spirits (maybe they did get shipped back to Africa after all)
Xander Harris (spent the entire episode whining about how his romantic rival should be staked)
Never Considered:
Darla (would've ranked extremely high for the Catholic school girl uniform 15 and innovating Slayer-attacking techniques but for, you know, being staked and all)
Willow Rosenberg (where is the badass spunky Willow that I remember?)
Rupert Giles (still more or less devoid of value; good on some research once Buffy lets him know that there is a problem, but no help at all in dealing with it)
The Three (geez, guys, you couldn't even hang out for about 3 minutes and capture Joyce or something before giving up?)
Willow Rosenberg Fashion Update
Fine. I give up. I guess Joss had some kind of special deal with a sweater-shirt company or something. Should I be happy that at least she's wearing one that's a solid color instead of dumb-ass stripes and flowers and such? I don't know. I'm just depressed. What stage of grief is that again?
And Now, A Word From Our Big Bad
Oh Darla. Darla, Darla, Darla. I give you a little leeway, let you show a little initiative, and you go and get yourself staked. So very, very disappointing. This Slayer is just not fun anymore. I'm tired of her now. Hrpmh.
Totally Subjective Biaxial Entertainingness Scatterplot
Lots of quality stuff happening this week – the Buffy / Angel relationship obviously being at the center of most of them. Happily, the episode actually confronts the big scary issues involved instead of just going for a "chicks dig the bad boy" angle. Lots of little things ring true as well – The Slayer's natural ability should allow her to wipe the floor with her Watcher during a spar, no matter how much training or practice he's had. Darla makes a stunningly smart choice to employ firearms, and her plan to get Angel back into the fold might have worked if a lesser Slayer had been involved.
Even with all of that, though, the episode was a little light on the awesome. Darla's outfit and double-handgun action definitely qualified, but Buffy and Angel teaming up for the first time….to run from The Three. That was weak.
Top Ten Episode Quotes
10. Xander (to Cordelia): "I don't know what everyone's talking about – that outfit doesn't make you look like a hooker."
9. Angel: "I fed on a girl about your age. Beautiful. Dumb as Dumb as a post." 16
8. Buffy: "Angel? I'd love to see him in a relationship. 'Hi honey, you're in grave danger, see you next month.'"
7. Buffy: "For us to have a conversation about a guy, there would have to be a guy for us to have a conversation about."
6. Xander: "Guys will do anything to impress a girl. I once drank an entire gallon of Gatorade without taking a breath!"
Willow: "It was pretty impressive … although later there was an ick factor."
5. Willow: "So he is a good vampire! I mean, on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being someone who's killing and maiming every night and 1 being someone who's….not….."
4. Buffy: "If you want Xander, you're gonna have to speak up, girl!"
Willow: "No no no. No speaking up. That way leads to madness and sweaty palms."
3. Xander: "Ahhh, the post-fumigation party."
Buffy: "What's the difference between this and the pre-fumigation party?"
Xander: "Much hardier cockroaches."
2. The Master: "Angel. He was the most vicious creature I ever met. I miss him."
1. The Anointed One: "You will spare them?"
The Master: "I am weary. And their deaths will bring me little joy."
Darla: <stakes The Three>
The Master: "Of course, sometimes a little is enough."
Up Next: Episode 1.8: I Robot, You Jane. Uh-oh. I only vaguely remember this, but I think that's mostly because I've blocked it. Posting Anticipated….uh, next week sometime?
______________________________
1 Among the things that I am surprised about in re-watching the show, the number of Monster of the Week episodes is truly stunning. Fully half of the eps prior to this one didn't involve vampires at all, and that's including the 2-part premiere, which was obviously fang-centric. I wonder if the show was originally going to be more X-Files in this regard 2 and they just evolved into more vamps or if they just had all these crazy ideas they wanted to get out there and then started following the plots once that was done.
2 As in, half the eps are major story-arc and the other half are one-off MoWs.
3 I just have to note that iTunes is totally creeping me out. Just as I started to write this section, it picks the Buffy Theme by Nerf Herder. And now it's doing "I've Got a Theory" from the musical episode. Aieeeeeeeee.
4 Yet another in the already-long line of "Yeah, these guys are tough! Whoo!" bad-guy vamps that turn out to be pretty lame wusses that are quickly and easily disposed of. 5
5 Although in this case they actually do pretty well against Buffy until Angel shows up and then they actually have the two of them on the run for a while. As a reward for their relative effectiveness, The Master has them staked by Darla. Seems like quite the waste of resources, although I suppose that he can always make more. And, as mentioned, there is seemingly no end to the supply of "This guy was an unstoppable killing force for the last 300 years!" type of vamps that can be put into play.
6 In an incredibly impressive bit of parenting, 7 Mom sees that Buffy has an older 8 boy hidden away in the house that she is trying to keep secret and decides that her teenage daughter should be left alone downstairs with him while Mom goes into her room and shuts her door. And then never checks in on Buffy during the night, since Angel was sleeping on the floor and all. Good job, Joyce.
7 Sarcasm alert!
8 If only she know how much older? Am I right?
9 There is a nice moment after the typical "We can't do this, smooch smooch" where Angel looks uncomfortable, which Buffy takes for a "I know, this is going to be complicated, but so totally worth it." In fact, the problem was that his skin was burning whilst they were making out from contact with the cross that she wears around her neck. Awwwwwwwwww.
10 So, is this part of the review actually working for people? It seems like the least interesting to write at least. What do people like (if anything)? Any thoughts, ideas, gripes, random insults? The Scatterplot definitely seemed like a hit, 11 and I've received positive feedback on the power rankings. Anything else notably interesting or not?
11 All of my best ideas are blatantly stolen from other people.
12 It also might have been an idea to wear a breastplate or something. I know that if I was an immortal monster with one weakness, I would darn well be sure to fortify that as much as possible. You want to plunge that arrow into my chest? Good luck getting it through my Kevlar-reinforced steel plating!
13 Although she liked him more for what he represented – a normal life as a normal teenager that does things like go on dates – than for himself. Which, given that he was a total thrill-seeking tool, is no more than he deserved.
14 Essentially: "Don't worry about it, you'll kill them all soon enough and then it will all be ok."
15 Very, very, VERY disappointed that google image search could not come up with a picture of Darla in this outfit. Mee-OW!
16 Got to love that, even in the middle of probably the most serious conversation to date on the show, they can drop in a quick little line.
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